The Watcher
by cursivenight
Summary: He was always watching her.  Severus/Lily Unrequited; two shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I only applied my limited creativity to JK Rowling's amazing characters.

**The Watcher**

He couldn't help but watch her whenever he had the opportunity.

At meals he would eat slowly, usually only his ears paying attention to the Slytherin table conversation. His eyes would flicker between his food, the occasional Slytherin, and the object of his obsession, Lily. He would slouch in his seat, remaining aloof unless someone spoke directly to him, or he found a topic of conversation particularly interesting. Whenever he would speak it was as little as possible, using an eloquent tongue that was overlaid with an evident sneer. Though his word was usually final on any topic (any further argument would be met with an air of disdain, if he acknowledged the challenge at all), he rarely participated in the insolent, petty arguments of the table.

Instead, he concentrated the majority of his attention on Lily. He soaked in every aspect of her that he could. He watched her through countless meals in the Great Hall, and could pick out her favorite foods, drinks, and people to sit next to. Sometimes she used mealtimes as study periods, especially during exam time. She would barely eat as she read through her notes or textbooks one last time. Other times she laughed and chatted merrily with her friends, particularly at dinner. Of course any mealtime could be broken by angry outbursts at the despicable 'Marauders', the four most arrogant, idiotic Gryffindor boys to ever exist, at least in Severus' eyes.

She was not usually a picky eater, nor was she at all peckish. She ate fairly quickly; it was only when it was one of her most favorite menu items that she would slow her pace and revel in the taste and texture of her food. Those few times she spoke less as well, more content to enjoy her meal and let those around her carry the conversation. The only other time she was quiet or not eating to her usual standards was when she was clearly stressed or trying to study.

At breakfast she was one of the most awake students in the entire Great Hall. She would arrive as if she had slept well. She was chipper and polite, looking well put together. Rare were the times she arrived disheveled; in fact he had only seen it happen once or twice a year, except for in fifth year, during OWLs. It was only on those few occasions that she was ever scarfing down food in order to arrive on time to class or an exam.

In comparison, the main daily goal of the majority of other Hogwarts students seemed to be to stay up as late as possible, get the most sleep in that limited time, and stuff as much food as they could at breakfast before rushing off to class. Lily was not quite so ill-refined. She did not squander her breakfast time, but she was not rudely shoving food into her mouth like some of her fellows. She would usually choose some toast and fruit, or sometimes some eggs, then wait, sipping her juice, for her late-arriving friends to gulp down what food they could. Then the group would traverse to their respective classrooms. She was not as vocal at breakfast, though he supposed that may have been out of respect for her bleary-eyed friends.

At lunch she usually had a simple meal, and while she was not as quiet as at breakfast, she was not as rambunctious as her peers usually were. She frequently seemed to be contemplating her homework or latest grades or some other thought. She ate more quickly at this meal, as it was the shortest, and she did not want to be late for class.

At dinner, she was at her liveliest, laughing and talking almost constantly. Sometimes her conversations were loud enough for him to hear - usually those were joking debates (or true arguments if the Marauders were involved). He always loved it when she argued - she was so vibrant, whether in jest or not. Her green eyes held this glittering edge to them, a challenge. It was enticing. He would always turn to watch her if she was arguing, and continue his stare long after he normally would. He was in no danger of being caught, as she and her friends, such typical Gryffindors, were so wrapped up with what was happening in front of them that they would not notice.

Even outside of mealtimes, he would watch her. They had several classes together - potions, for one. That was his favorite class by far. It came so naturally to both of them, and Professor Slughorn adored them for it, and often exclaimed over both of their works. The Professor would use their names frequently in the same sentence, giving Severus a small thrill each and every time this happened. Almost better that that however, was that Potter was rubbish at Potions, or at least nowhere near as talented as he, Severus, and Lily were.

Severus would always sit near her, usually a table or so away, directly behind her (if he could manage it without appearing obvious). That way he could pretend to watch the Professor or the board when really it was her that held his attention. He rarely read instructions anyways, just listened once and added his own twist with the knowledge he had gained from other books and experiments.

He would prepare his potion quickly, but with finesse, sneaking glances at the red-headed girl do the same. He might twist his mouth into a gloating, nasty thing that could not really even be called a smile if he saw one of the 'perfect' Marauder boys do something wrong.

He would nod at Slughorn's praise, and brush off any attempts to bring himself and Lily to worktogether, though, as mentioned, those such comparisons and hints made him glad.

He would walk out behind her, usually the last to leave. Normally Potter would take this opportunity to pester her, and he always enjoyed the vindictive satisfaction that occurred when Lily flatly refused him. On the better days she even got angry at him and hexed him.

There were no more classes for him to watch her in, not this year, though in the past he had watched her in Transfiguration (her hardest class) and Charms (her best). Well, they also had History of Magic together, but everyone slept in that class anyways. All he could do was watch the back of her head and the occasional scribble of notes she managed to make as she tried to fight the urge to succumb to the curse of Professor Binns - boredom, that is. She had always managed to take the best notes and resisted the urge to sleep the most successfully out of anyone. (not that many others even tried).

He also often saw her in the library. He would go there, sometimes to work, sometimes just to watch her. The library was her second home. She was there, studying, at least a few times a week. She would crouch over her parchment, biting her lip or chewing on a Sugar Quill, with piles of books surrounding her. Occasionally she'd venture into the shelves until she had found some tome that she thought would hold the answers she pursued. Her written work was neat, with few things crossed out. She thought out her words before she put them in ink, and her essays were always slightly more than the requirement - she never used the cheat of writing large to reduce her workload either.

He would sometimes catch her in the corridor walking to class, usually looking preoccupied. Sometimes she was alone, other times not. Rarely would he pass her by elsewhere, though it did happen.

No matter where he saw her, he made sure to ignore her presence. He was very careful in his observation of her - he chose an out-of-the-way location, timing his glances perfectly. If he saw her in the corridor, he walked past her without any flicker of acknowledgement. She did the same, and those were the moments that tore him apart worse than anything that had happened in his life.

He saw that she was happy, if sometimes stressed. She was intelligent, helpful, and tried to be a positive influence. Sometimes she lost her temper, particularly if it concerned Potter or Muggle-hating. That was the only time she would ever look at him, the burn of disappointment evident in her gaze. Half of him never wanted to be caught because he feared her scorn, but half of him wanted to be caught by her, because that was the one time she truly looked at him.

Since they couldn't be friends, let alone something more, he would watch her instead. Wishing, wanting, watching.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Thanks for reading, next chapter will be up soon. =)  
>I ship LilyJames, but I love writing this angsty Severus/Lily. I have no idea why. I start writing something Lily/James and it always seems to end up featuring Severus and his unrequited love or something. Oh well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** If this is mine, I'd be rich. I'm not, so therefore, it is not mine.

**The Watcher**

**Chapter 2**

It was in seventh year that Severus became increasingly concerned about Lily. She was quieter, laughing less, and looked stressed often. A smile was still quick to grace her features, but she was less argumentative with everyone - even Potter. Worse, she seemed to almost enjoy their arguments now. She never hexed him anymore, and their arguments were rarely as angry and passionate.

Severus shuddered involuntarily in his seat. How anyone could enjoy any form of contact with that despicable excuse for a wizard was beyond him.

He watched her now, quietly eating her breakfast. He noticed she wasn't really eating much, just kind of pushing food around her plate, taking a sip of juice every so often.

She wasn't alone. The entire Great Hall was subdued, their mood echoed in the backdrop of the black drapes that hung from the walls and replaced the House banners.

Death and war were haunting the hallways of Hogwarts. He knew that. Hell, he planned to be part of it. Why? It didn't matter why. It just mattered that he would finally be part of something extraordinary, something powerful. She would see him again then, even if the look on her face was disapproval or horror.

He watched as she turned to Black, sorrow on her face. Black smiled at her reassuringly, and Severus' eyes narrowed. This was unexpected.

The Marauders had been insufferable their entire schooling career. If there was any single reason he joined the so called 'dark side' it was purely to eradicate the likes of those worthless beings. Lily had agreed with this philosophy once - that they were all a waste of space, at least. Especially Black and Potter. Pettigrew was a sniveling weak idiot in Severus' eyes, and Lupin was not even human - though Lily had not shared the same view of the latter two boys.

He would never forgive them for what they had done to him, and he had thought Lily never could, or would, either. But there she was, receiving a hug from Black. It was not comfortable, and it ended quickly, but there it had still happened. Progress in a... dare he say it, friendship?

Severus growled softly to himself, causing a nearby Slytherin to ask him what was bothering him - in slightly more crude terms, of course. Snape shook his head in reply, glaring at the Gryffindor table. His fellow Slytherin saw this and sneered.

"One day, they'll get what's coming to them." The boy said, hate evident in his voice. The speaker was pudgy, and ill-favoured in looks, perhaps the source of his inclination to resentment. He turned away from Severus and returned to his meal, his gaze fixed on the other House tables with malice in his eyes.

Severus did not respond, and only felt a sinking sensation from within. It felt like his broken heard had frozen and dropped from his chest into the lowest point of his body.

* * *

><p>After that incident with Lily and Black, Severus watched Lily very closely, if only to see if her apparent new friendship with those idiot Gryffindors would last.<p>

The very idea shocked him to say the very least. He would have never thought it possible.

It apparently was.

He spotted her spending time with the four Gryffindor boys more and more often. They studied together (or Lily and the werewolf studied while Black, Pettigrew, and Potter tried to study... or didn't try at all, depending on the individual). They sat together at meals increasingly often, and she now generally sat near them in classes (or at least History of Magic and Potions). Her closest friends joined her in this new pattern. Severus did not understand it.

It was true that dark times were descending on the castle, pushing the students together in some ways and pulling them apart in others. Though the students were removed from the world, the news still reached them, and occasionally it directly affected them. There had been several deaths that directly affected a student or a few students within the school.

There was nothing but fear from all but the Slytherin House. There was fear there too, of course, but there was also gloating smiles and barely contained jubilation from some of the members.

Teachers and students alike looked harried, and it wasn't even near exam time. Perhaps this increased closeness in the Gryffindor common room was merely a result of banding together for support, or a sharing of grief. Severus could not understand why else she would be (dare he say it?) friends with the Marauders. Perhaps it was a farce, an act, a show of unity. Or one of them had lost a loved one. Or they had somehow coerced her. Severus could not fathom any other reason for this development.

He watched Lily carefully, and he was shocked to see that this... friendship indeed was not only lasting, but it seemed genuine. Even stranger was that it seemed to be making her happy.

She laughed with them. She talked to them. Studied with them. They seemed to grow closer and closer. It was a slow process, and it seemed to him there were multiple setbacks, particularly with Black and Potter, but they did indeed seem to be maintaining some kind of friendship that mutually benefited both parties.

And just when he thought it couldn't get worse, it did.

It was he, Severus, who had first first figured out that Lily Evans and James Potter were dating.

The first time he had spotted her with Potter alone, it did not alarm him - Potter was always following her about after all. It annoyed Lily, or at least it used to. Even by the second and third time he was still not suspicious.

But the fourth time he spied them together they sat very close, and were talking. Lily ignored her work. She never did that. Severus' heart began to hammer at the very sight of them and the realization that not only could they be friends now, they may be more. That was one of his worst fears - Lily dating. Something he knew he would have to deal with in school (well, probable anyways) - but never would he have ever thought it would be with Potter.

The fifth time, he walked in on something far worse. He hadn't even meant to see it. It was late, and he was defying curfew by walking around the corridors. He wasn't paying attention and had wandered far from the Slytherin common room. He heard sounds and drew his wand to investigate. He rounded the corner and had the sight of Lily Evans and James Potter against a wall, kissing as if their lives depended on each other.

The sight made Severus go blind for a few seconds - later he thought he involuntarily closed his eyes - and he felt his entire body went numb.

He turned and fled the scene, still unnoticed by the embracing couple. He ran until he could run no more, and when he finally came to his senses, he was unsure of where he was.

Heaving with exertion, Severus collapsed by a wall, sinking down with his back against the cool stone wall. Wherever he was, it was unlit, so the room or corridor was very dark. Severus didn't care. He just wanted to never move again, and never have to see the girl he loved not only with someone else, but with HIM.

Severus did not - indeed, could not even - move, and so he spent the night cold, alone, and feeling devoid of any emotion.

The next morning (he could tell by the lightening of the corridor that he sat) he raised himself stiffly, having barely moved and not slept at all. He realized he was somewhere near the entrance hall, and so he slowly stood and retraced his steps backwards. He headed for the Great Hall and breakfast, though he did not want to face... anyone, really. Let alone her. And him.

Severus could not stop the shudder that ripped through him and the clenching of pain in his stomach. He considered missing breakfast, but he reminded himself that he was not supposed to care. Not about him, not about her - especially not her. She had committed the ultimate betrayal.

But he still loved her.

With that realization he stepped into the bright Hall and walked to his respective table. He could not stop the automatic glance towards the Gryffindor table. She was not there, though the werewolf was there buttering his toast, like he was normal. Severus looked away in disgust and was annoyed at the flawlessly blue sky and sunshine that was the roof of the Great Hall. He felt as though the weather ought to have reflected his mood. It felt like the whole world was mocking him.

Severus sat down and filled his plate without looking. He ate slowly, not tasting anything. He could not stop glancing up at every individual who entered the Hall. Finally, he saw her enter.

She walked with Potter, Black and Pettigrew. The latter two still appeared sleepy-eyed, and were yawning as Lily and Potter seemed to be exchanging a few words. As they sat down, Severus noticed that Potter's hand was in Lily's. The boy looked about ready to burst with happiness as everyone began to chatter about this strange new revelation. Unfortunately, Lily also looked much happier than a blue sky and breakfast accounted for.

She could not keep her eyes off of Potter. She spoke to him lowly, too quiet for Severus to hear, but whatever it was, Potter smiled and replied in kind. He abstractly filled his plate and began to eat, barely glancing away from the girl beside him. Lily was suddenly shy, and Severus guessed she had heard the her fellow students talking about her and Potter. She was blushing and unable to meet anyone's gaze, instead watching her plate. But Potter grabbed her hand and smiled, leaning over to whisper to her once more. Lily returned his smile easily and seemed more at ease. She began to eat, and greeted her friends (who's faces were divided between surprise and an 'I-told-you-so' look) as they arrived. Severus saw a few people collecting bets, including a grinning Sirius Black.

Severus could hear the squeals of congratulations, and he could see both Lily and (surprisingly) Potter's embarrassment. They ate quickly and escaped to their classes, while the rest of the school continued to discuss this unexpected development.

Severus growled to himself and forced himself to eat a few more bites of his unappetizing breakfast. A few minutes later, he could take it no longer and echoed the couple in their exit from the Great Hall.

Severus stopped short when he saw Lily and James before him in the corridor, though they were off to the side, talking. He had expected them to be long gone. They glanced up at the sound of the door opening, and saw him. Potter's hand immediately went to his wand, and Severus' followed. His movement was a second slower due to his shock.

Severus glared at Potter, his pent up rage suddenly flowing to the surface. He noted Lily's terrified gaze between him and Potter. It gave him satisfaction.

Potter glared right back at him, wand at the ready.

"What do you want?" The dark haired boy refrained from saying 'Snivellus', but Severus felt the implication and knew it was only withheld for Lily's sake. It caused Severus to sneer.

"No pet name for me, Potter?" The words were snarled, harsh. Severus would have liked nothing more than to bring that arrogant prick down.

Potter opened his mouth to respond but stopped and looked at Lily when she placed her delicate hand on his arm.

"Leave it. He's not worth it." She said quietly, looking up at James. Suddenly, Lily turned to look at Severus, and his whole body felt like it froze up. She hadn't actually looked at him in a very long time. His eyes took in her red hair, her green eyes, so hard and cold, her school uniform, neat and orderly, and her book bag hanging over her shoulder. She looked intelligent, determined, and beautiful.

"He was never worth it." Her voice was flat and condemning, and the words reached his ears as if coming through a fog. Severus did not even register that Lily had turned and, tugging Potter with her, was disappearing around the corner. Severus came to himself as he caught James Potter turning his head and shooting him a victorious smirk over his shoulder.

Severus wanted nothing more than to kill him at that moment. A few seconds later, he realized that even more, he wanted to kill himself.

He would've liked nothing more than to be able to claim he never looked at Lily Evans again, that he never watched her from his distant position, that he never followed her with his eyes as she walked by. But that would be a lie.

Forever, he would be her watcher.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Fin. I'd love you forever if you reviewed, but I'll forgive you if you don't. I hope you enjoyed this! I loved writing it. =)


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